Every one of my colleagues brings happiness into the office. Short Funny Affirmations. I always find something funny in every situation. People say you cant live without love, but I think oxygen is more important. Your life is your message to the world. What we say not only affects our lives but also has an impact on those around us. Steven Alexander Wright When the past comes knocking, dont answer. I make people laugh, whether its with me or at me., 8. 259. 201. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. 272. 100 Funny Christmas Quotes. George Burns, 253. My to-do list doesnt include dealing with negative people., 5. 100+ weird quotes that make no sense at all but are funny Be careful when you follow the masses. 242. 196. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? Are these genes in your jeans or are you just happy to see me? I woke up with some aches and pains, but I woke up. I love my job only when Im on vacation. Just as importantly, you can benefit from laughter in everyday situations. 176. What do computers eat for a snack? 118. No matter what a mess I am, my kids adore me. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. 275. Envelope. 205. I say what I want and i dont care what everyone else thinks about it. Lily Tomlin, 242. Why cant you trust an atom? 188. It just plain forms. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. They are a powerful tool you can use to change your attitude, your perspective on life and shift from a negative to a positive mindset. Pampered cows produce spoiled milk. Your eyes water when you yawn, because you miss your bed and it makes you sad. Dont give up on your dreams so soon, sleep longer. 79. 72. Send me the link. Im so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Can February march? Seeing a spider in my room isnt scary. 80 Soren Kierkegaard Quotes On Love, Life And Philosophy, Top 90 Martin Luther King Jr. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. Watch popular content from the following creators: Maaryfairyy(@maaryfairyy), Jasmines Garden(@jasminesgarden23), Dazley(@dazzlemeup), JaySean(@jaysean), Nathalie Munoz(@nathaliemunozx3) . I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. - Jeffrey Gitomer. Hes dreaming too. 22. Life begins on Friday night. health is important. 160. Thats what youre called when you dont have a job. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. 209. 167. 93. No matter what I look like. Whoever said great things come in small packages hasnt seen my big screen TV. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 169. Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died. 23. 135. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? "If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.". They planet. 233. - Donald Trump. I wasnt mad, but now that you asked me 7 times if Im mad.. yes, Im mad! I never apologize. I honor that time. I wish my wallet came with free refills. So far, so good. A mind is like a parachute. It changes your perception and these short positive affirmations have a way of changing the way you look at yourself and feel more confident. I personally love watching masters of comedy, Feel free to pick a few of these affirmations and say them to yourself the next time youre. "Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.". These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. "Age is of no importance unless you're a cheese.". 48. 177. 184. An apple a day keeps anyone a way, if you throw it hard enough. 25. I receive what I believe. Short people with an umbrella. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. I didnt want to interrupt her. 205. "Don't let anyone ever dull your . But sometimes affirmations may not work. Make it inspiring. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. - Christopher Reeve. If nothing is impossible is it possible for something to be impossible? I enjoy taking long romantic walks, to the fridge. I believe in what's possible for me. Every day is a gift, thats why they call it the present. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. Why couldnt the leopard play hide and seek? Erma Bombeck. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Here's some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. 175. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. A balanced diet means a cupcake in each hand. 189. Run. How do astronomers organize a party? 266. 24. Good morning! Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. I love my body. The following is the list of some humorous affirmations for you: I am doing all the amazing things because I am an amazing human being. My mistakes dont define me. I accept my body the way it is today. 134. 80. I wonder, do we lazy people go to heaven or do they send someone to pick us up? I'm having a staff meeting.". First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Bill Murray. 7. Still, you need to embrace each of these surprises with same positive conviction and appreciation. Shoot for the moon. Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. If the funny affirmations that Ive put together dont break your cool, then feel free to throw on a comedy special on Netflix or Youtube when you feel stressed. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. My sense of humor makes the world a better place., 8. Excuse me, I need to go be awesome today. Tact is the ability to tell someone to go to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey. 67. Chris Rock, 256. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? Positive affirmations are a longstanding practice for those of us who need a little extra daily encouragement, and the best part isthey're free and they're flexible! What is the difference between snowmen and snowwomen? 10. 28. Ive got three bones. 6. "In life only one thing is certain, Friday will come.". 52. My cankles will hold me. Your brain will only ever optimally respond to positive present tense affirmations such as " I am calm .". Enjoying this list of funny affirmations so far? 140. Not me, but somebody does. 126. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. Sometimes the M is silent. Some when they enter, others when they leave., 2. I am my childs greatest comfort. I personally love watching masters of comedy captivate audiences with their dark humor and crafty punchlines. If you have crazy friends you have everything youll ever need. 264. Sincerely, yourself. With great power comes an even greater electricity bill. You can write them down and use them whenever you're attending a social event or if you simply just want to make yourself laugh. I am positive. "When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.". My house was clean yesterday, sorry you missed it. 127. 76. Relax, its the weekend, just dont blink or it will be all over. - Billie Burke. 172. I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. 280 Short Funny Quotes and Sayings - Luvze I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. Your values become your destiny. - Unknown. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. 18. I didnt give a f*ck yesterday, I dont give a f*ck today, and I wont give a f*ck tomorrow either. Use them as a tool to boost your self-esteem and productivity, as well as to overcome procrastination and complete all assigned tasks. Effective pushing often involves poop. 155. Im laughing at the confusion and smiling through the tears. 43. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. (John 14:27) 27. And no, that's definitely not a bad thing! Sometimes these surprises are way too spectacular and sometimes way too tragic. 3. Please do your own research before making any online purchase. 208. Bill Murray, 258. Every day I become calmer and do more good for the world. Good morning! 107. 178. But you can always be immature. The biggest critics of my books are the people who never read them. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. - TS Eliot. Edward A. Murphy. 110. I crack the right joke at the perfect moment. 2. With a cowculator. 178. Lord, keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth., 9. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Using humor can help you bridge the gap and empower you to believe in affirmations and their outcome. Today, I look at my goals. Maybe there are no excuses to be lazy, but Im still going to keep looking. 58. I live in a neighborhood so bad that you can get shot while getting shot. 147. I am attractive just as I am. I hope you have a ridiculously amazing day. 39 Positive Affirmations And Inspiring Quotes About Life And a funny bone., 10. 125. 13. Relaxing the mind with some funny affirmations is an easy way to reduce stress and keep yourself grounded in moments of turmoil. 171. You cant have everything, where would you put it? I tried looking at the bright side of life, but it hurt my eyes. 217. If you want flowers on February 14, plant them now., 6. To put your affirmations into practice, follow these steps. Then perhaps youd find value in these articles on how to write affirmations and the benefits of affirmations. It has features that are distinctive and make me who I am. Youre just gonna feel embarrassed for a minute or two and then it will be over. I dont know, but the flag is a big plus. 276. 6. It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things.'. 7. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. I did not trip and fall. 23. "After 30, a body has a mind of its own.". 234. 19. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade. 39. Cindy from Marzahn. It has the power to add levity to our daily challenges. Its called tomorrow. Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. 2. When life closes a door, just open it again. I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. Work smarter, not for owning iPhones, but for not fearing their breaks. Im going to stand outside, so if anybody asks for me, Im outstanding. Dont let anything or anyone stop you from achieving what you truly aspire. Dont worry if plan A fails, there are 25 more letters in the alphabet. Yeah, so is a grenade. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. 115. People wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, all life for happiness. Required fields are marked *. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. happy. If I am willing to go back to bed when I wake up, I will go and make up the bed. Its called tomorrow. 20 Positive Affirmations You Can Use to Inspire Your Life - Mindvalley Blog 6. They make you change without hurting your self-esteem. I rescued some beer that was trapped in a bottle. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Frances McDormand 1. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. Friends buy you food. You have to go after it with a club. My friends are like rocks, they help me through hard times. 35. 23. It will just flow naturally. I attract the right people and repel the wrong ones. Czech proverb Some people are like clouds. 31. I may not know karate, but I know crazy and Im not afraid to use it. Affirmations are a powerful tool to overcome self-sabotaging thoughts and boost your self-esteem. 267. It gets toad away. There are no stupid questions, just stupid people. 201. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. 89. Giving up on your goal because of one setback is like slashing your other three tires because you got a flat., 6. Hello little voice inside my head, please just shut up. 37. 219. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. My body deserves love. 103. If we shouldnt eat at night, why is there a light in the fridge? 186. 149. 25. 197. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Read next: 280 Positive Money Affirmations For An Abundance Mindset, Posted on Published: January 26, 2023- Last updated: January 27, 2023, Home 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter, Fabulous List Of 120 Cute Names To Call Your Crush, 120 Follow Your Dreams Quotes To Keep You On The Track. 278. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. I am way dumb than my mom keeps blabbering about me to the neighbors aunt. I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome., 15. All you need is love. 10. Lottery: a tax on people who are bad at math. 73. Emphasis on the cool. I am adventurous. 11. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer. If you cant laugh at your own problems, call me and Ill laugh at them. Treat me like a joke and Ill leave you like its funny., 4. Roy Lichtenstein. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. 120. 240. Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. Need to send some positive energy your way? 1,132 Positive Affirmations: Your Daily List of - Develop Good Habits 8. The early bird catches the worm, eats more and dies sooner. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. After all, laughter is a universal way to express yourself. Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of a Single Mom, Adventures in Dating: Memoirs of Midlife Relationships, Did you know that having a good sense of humor is very important when it comes to social interaction? 228. Reciting witty affirmations can help you rise above any problems you encounter. 74. It makes them so damned mad. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) 146. It is already tomorrow in Australia.". But even if this does happen, who cares? I intend to live forever. If you think nobody cares if youre alive, try missing a couple of car payments. The rest are too expensive. 213. Paul Ehrlich 232. Smile today, tomorrow could be worse. Your email address will not be published. 'Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.'. 7. A backbone. My funny vibes attract my happy tribe. 124. If you were able to believe in Santa Claus for 8 -9 years, you can believe in yourself for at least 5 minutes. 75. 20. 87. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 200. I make the right choices every time. You definitely dont want to kill the vibe by throwing a bad joke out there! Heres some short funny affirmations that will hopefully brighten up your day. I will never let anyone treat me like a yellow starburst. 62. I dont know how to act my age because Ive never been this old before. You can also share them with your co-workers to put a smile on their faces. Best friends eat your food. All rights reserved. 56. Walking into a room and then forgetting why I am here is my daily cardio. P.D. About Us | Privacy Policy | Terms | Contact 2023 Quotement. Chop your own wood. 94. 78. 5. HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. grateful. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. Not everyone has good taste., 3. 181. Plus, youre never gonna become funny and charismatic by being afraid to speak your mind. After Monday and Tuesday, even the calendar says W T F. 204. A bald spot is like a lie, the bigger it gets the harder it is to cover it up. 40. 4. No, but April may. 1. As an Amazon Associate we earn from qualifying purchases. I just go normal from time to time. Jonathan lockwood huie. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Here are the 200 best sarcastic quotes, from funny comments, sayings, and phrases dripping with snarky sarcasm. 277. 266. 1. You wanna know who Im in love with? Affirmations for wealth can be a great way of getting your thoughts in order and creating a positive outlook. I can have peace, even when people irritate me.. Lazy people fact #2347827309018287. And their purpose certainly isn't to minimize hard feelings. Thank God Im an atheist. Short Funny Quotes. 54. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. Franklin Jones I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. I always carry a knife in my purse, just in case were having cake. 10. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash. 119 Positive Affirmations For Women To Use Daily - Live Bold and Bloom Groucho Marx. 2. I cant make everyone happy, Im not tequila. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. If everyone knew what I was thinking, I would get punched in the face a lot. 271. Home: Where I can look ugly and not care. Because their teacher told them it was a piece of cake. Forget the butterflies, I feel the entire zoo in my stomach when Im with you. no rich foods. 3. These little phrases can be said aloud or written down anywhere to remind yourself that everything will turn out okay. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. Gary Delaney 147. 136. 271. Giving up on myself because of one setback is like slashing my other three tires because one is flat., 10. Never let your best friends get lonely, keep disturbing them. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the up button. I didnt want to interrupt her. You were too lazy to read that number. 265. They log in. 154 Short, Positive Affirmations that are Easy to Remember. I will smile while I still have my teeth. Alexa, please clean the negativity off of my mind please. In between, I am alive. 181. I am grateful for that time. 99 Positive Morning Affirmations You Can Use Daily Why become moody when you can shake your booty. Enjoy! Not everyone has good taste. 100 Short Positive Affirmations: Keep Repeating Them 92. You never know what you have, until you clean your closet. Theres life without Facebook and internet? Every day, read them aloud for the best results. 192. 199. 194. We get so worried about being pretty lets be pretty kind, pretty funny, pretty smart, pretty strong., 9. 185. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. I only check my voicemail to get rid of the annoying little icon. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. Rodney Dangerfield. 202. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. "Your mistakes don't define you.". The Only 100 Positive Affirmations You Will Ever Need 7. 156. Whether its at other people or at ourselves, its good to laugh in life. Your email address will not be published. 2. 169. Im sorry that Im not updating my Facebook status, my cat ate my mouse. Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top.
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