If you would like to receive a free copy of my monthly newsletter on The psychology of Abuse, please email me at therecoveryexpert@gmail.com. Lets go over fifteen effective strategies you can use to shut down a narcissist and help reduce the harm they inflict on you. A narcissistic person needs to be admired over everyone else, so when someone doesnt do this, they will not be pleased with the outcome. He or she has behaved this way since an early age and is unable to stop without professional help. At the same time when a narcissist loves their empath mate, this is how an empath destroys a narcissist. I began, making calls; sending texts and emails, and even; going to see; The ghosts of my past that were haunting me. If you do either of these things, you are likely not a narcissist. Even a cool, nonchalant demeanor is often a facade. The real intention of his conversation is to manipulate you to trust him. The way you are speaking is unprofessional. You are dealing with a difficult or toxic person in what might be an abusive relationship. A narcissist doesnt want to talk to you because he has something to offer to you. He knows what to say to gain his power back and he surely knows when to say it. This can be a good thing for the empath, since they wont have to be concerned about this mate any longer. At the same time, youll also feel ashamed or embarrassed that you believed in them in the first place. This is something that you dont have to put up with and if you are afraid for your life, you should make sure that you are protected and in a safe place, where a narcissist will not be able to harm you. Last medically reviewed on January 28, 2018, More research is needed to determine divorce statistics within the first year of marriage. To shut down a narcissist, you have to be more prepared than they are. Dont expect that youll find a compromise, 3. Itll never happen again! Since he cant allow you to be the one who walks away from him, he must react and do something to stop it. He studied at the University of Amsterdam and has a bachelor's in Clinical Psychology. Even though you want to be nice and admit your part of any blame, you really shouldnt try to do that with a narcissist. When the narcissist crosses your boundaries, you can . You can quickly bore a narcissist to shut them down. Insincere flattery is also something that hurts a narcissist. An empath needs to be loved and be with someone that is who they claim to be, which is not the case for a narcissist. This could mean that an empath may become tired of dealing with the needs of a narcissist and must leave them to start a new chapter in their life. Even if theres only a slight chance, he still has something to hold on to. Keep your eye on what you need and continue to fulfill it. As they begin to understand that the person they were in a relationship with was a narcissist and what that means, they may commence to feel like themselves again and start to think about their next relationship. They may believe that the narcissist will change and that things will get better. They will do whatever they can to convince them to reconsider their duo, even if it means lying or telling them exactly what they want to hear. After you no longer know how to stand up for yourself, a narcissist sees the opportunity to control you and make you do whatever he wants. Every time he does something that helps him stay in charge, point out that behavior and let him see that you know what hes trying to achieve. Can you successfully find a way out without harming your own mental health even more? They will gaslight you. You have to keep in mind that narcissists have a deep sense of insecurity and self-doubt. Lets have a look at 5 ways how the Narcissist handle rejection. The attention you give to a narcissist is addictive for them. 8 Relationship Lessons Ive Learned In My 20s, 100+ Text Conversation Starters With A Guy That Go Beyond Hey, Your email address will not be published. What do these apologies have in common? Narcissists respond in various ways, but nearly every reaction includes some form of manipulation or abuse. Men in this category may be hyperfocused on their bodies or athletic abilities. After a while, an empath will move on from their relationship with a narcissist. How to Shut Down a Narcissist: 15 of the Best Ways 1. What Revenge Tactics You Can Expect from a Narcissist. When they are insulting you, they think they are completely right in their accusations. Dont even bother pointing out his mistakes, as in his head, hes perfect and doesnt see the need to change. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. An estimated 9.8 percent of adult males and 4.2 percent of . Those who live with narcissism may find it difficult to hold positive and negative feelings for someone at the same time. If they follow you, close the door. This was just us having a good time. So, when youre taking power away from a narcissist, you must learn when to stop paying attention to him. And he wont be able to do anything to stop you. So, what else happens when an empath leaves a narcissist? I have discussed the plan in great lengths to family, but once I am around him I am unable to go through with it. Oh, I dont really care what we do. Narcissists think that they can engage you in their reality. Narcissists like attention, but they hate feeling demeaned, controlled, or criticized. When a narcissist knows you have him figured out, they might try to blackmail you. Or move away and begin speaking to someone else as if nothing was said at all. Can a narcissist handle rejection and no contact? The challenge for those who have narcissism is to learn how to take personal responsibility instead of attributing their disrespectful or abusive behavior to those around them. They shake up your world and put you under their control without you even realizing it. 1. Grab Wedding Month Deals on Marriage Courses! But to a narcissist, even the slightest rejection often represents the ultimate form of betrayal. Want to know more? In other words, they dont try to understand why someone might reject them. This is one of the main reasons why an empath and narcissist shouldnt date each other. Its his last attempt to lower your confidence so he can control you the easy way. If an individual is experiencing symptoms of narcissistic personality disorder, it may be more imperative that an empath and narcissist breakup. This is a tactic a narcissist uses when he feels like hes losing control. Usually, theyre just focused on maximizing their own pleasure. You . Perhaps you triggered his toxic behavior and thats the reason he acted the way he did. Always be polite but keep interactions shallow and realize that co-workers and family are not friends, but acquaintances by chance. They may try every manipulation strategy in the book. Theyre still doing everything they can to lure you back into their lives. Required fields are marked *. This could allow an empath to work harder to find a relationship that is more advantageous for them. Thus the first step is to forgive yourself. Heres what you should do in case you have to have a verbal conversation with a narcissist. Yes, you can, but you have to know how to deal with them. Narcissistic rage tends to be the most common reaction to rejection. You are right for one thing- you need an exit plan! When you truly walk away from the relationship, you choose to walk away from their abuse. Once the narcissist knows he can manipulate you with such garbage, he can prepare for the new phase of the narcissistic cycle. He then ends up being the one who can push you to do something you werent planning. Wondering what to say to disarm a narcissist? Hell see your excuses as a sign of weakness and hell try to win you back one more time. , move out, or cease contact with them. Eventually a narcissist will start to move on from their relationship with an empath. However, it is beneficial to learn to smile and combat their negativity with positive energy. Thank you for your article! They will play with your feelings until you finally lose the last bit of confidence. An honest conversation doesnt affect a person like this, so you shouldnt even bother trying. They'll Try and Blackmail You. Have people around you who you trust. 2. The answer is that an empath will begin to notice that they are not being loved and treated the way that they need to be from a narcissist and will, When an empath leaving narcissist situation occurs, it is generally because the empath is unable to take any additional. Loss of self. Doing so only causes you to validate their accusations. You dont have to be sympathetic about this, but you can be compassionate by not adding to their distress. Gaslighting happens when a narcissist attempts to make you question your own reality. Can you take the power away from him and finally gain control over your life? An empath may think they want to get back together with the narcissist that they ended their relationship with. Want to have a happier, healthier marriage? But if youre one step ahead, then youll know what to expect and how much you can handle. To find out more about what happens in an empath and narcissist relationship, watch this video: So, what happens when an empath leaves a narcissist? My heart is completely broken.. Once you realize that hes a bad influence, you wont want to have anything to do with him. Narcissistic Injury is any threat, real or imagined, to the narcissists grandiose self-perception (known as the False Self). After being with a friend, colleague, or family member, do you tend to feel emotionally exhausted? Unfortunately, their changes are not altruistic or generous. We all know how much narcissists enjoy arguing and proving their point. When you fall for this stage of love bombing, you've crossed a point of no return. They live in denial and think that theyre the best thing the world has ever seen and this belief is deeply rooted inside them. Even in those moments when you feel like going back to him, reading whats written on the paper will help you stick to your goal. They may engage in any or all of these abuse tactics: People with narcissistic personality disorder believe they are entitled to special treatment. Still, I felt like I was abandoning ship, stealing away in a little dingy in the middle of the night while the captain and crew of my city slept. All hoovering is designed to win you back. I guess she gave up on our relationship., Hes drinking more than usual. They will literally use every little thing they've ever done for you to keep you trapped. And the moment you give up on him is the moment he fears the most. At the same time, understand that a narcissist will be okay, even if they say they wont. The empath may go back to the narcissist. Thats why you shouldnt even think about saying youre sorry, as you have nothing to apologize for. They may not feel like they are being treated properly and understand that they deserve to be with someone who cares. If all else fails, you can physically remove yourself from the conversation. Or, they might insist that youre overreacting to focus the attention on you and your feelings. Think of it the way a child throws a tantrum because they want you to change your mind about buying a new toy. According to Cherlyn Chong, a professional life . Accept the fact that you cant change a narcissist. This is when you may realize youre dealing with a narcissist. However, there will be other people that may be a bad match for you. I dont like being told what to do or how to behave. This is your first step toward taking the power away from a narcissist and you shouldnt stumble right away at any cost. Most narcissists dont delineate between positive and negative attention. What hurts narcissists most is when they are not acknowledged as exceptional, or they are viewed as an ordinary person like everyone else. If you want a narcissists behavior to stop, you have to figure out what you are willing to deal with and what you arent. Narcissists are undoubtedly self-absorbed and believe they are superior to other people. Only give praise when you feel it is deserved and honest. Im an adult. They need this kind of negative feedback from you to provide them with a reason to lash out and target you in return. After you get to that place of surrender, where you let go of any and all attempts to change the other person or repair the relationship; admit you cant and dont even want to try any more, then you start on a new chapter of your life one of liberty, serenity, and joy. You have nothing to do with the fact that you ran into a narcissist. . This reaction can shut down a narcissist because youre refusing to add fuel to their fire. If you want to neutralize a narcissist, you might try saying things like: These statements might get their attention, but its not likely to change their behaviors permanently. Their attempt at getting you to defend yourself has failed. This could include anything from making you feel bad about yourself to threatening you. 1) You are doing all the talking. After all, they believe youre fortunate to have them. You get the feeling that youll be stuck with them forever, even though their presence in your life doesnt make you happy not even in the slightest. I just thought thats what you wanted. At the same time, despite pretending like they dont care about other people, they are highly sensitive to any judgments or criticism- to the point where it can be downright debilitating. It could take a while for them to overcome this. Have a team assembled. Narcissists are manipulators who have this need to control everyone around them. No longer are you burdened or held back by your relationship. Keep all dialogue to a minimum. January 30, 2012, 4:43 PM. Say "I'm Sorry You Feel that way." 6. When a narcissists self-image is reflected back in ways that amplify their endless need for admiration, their narcissistic needs are gratified and reinforced as acceptable. Taking the power away from a narcissist has nothing to do with sitting down with him and having a talk. Try using these steps to create boundaries and manage the narcissist in your life before their behavior has a long-term impact on you. "Boundary" is a four-letter word to a narcissist. If an individual is experiencing symptoms of. This often feels jarring to the narcissist. Do you think that nothing can bruise the narcissists inflated ego? A person should never stoop to unscrupulous tactics. Accepting this responsibility is painful and gives permission to the narcissist to continue to blame you for how they treat you or try to make you believe that their behavior is a result of their actions, which is not true. Its simply impossible to walk away without him noticing that. If the narcissist tells you to walk away and you do, they will initially be angry, but will ultimately consider you worthy of the chase. Hell only see it as his victory, which will make him even stronger. Its a vulnerable and painful experience, and it can trigger profound emotions of insecurity and incompetence. Being able to tolerate the conversation will help you overlook the narcissists selfishness and arrogance. This is because a narcissist will take advantage of how caring and authentic an empath is, which could leave the empath getting nothing in return out of the relationship. Think again. Keep in mind that any response to their hoovering gives them attention. Their portrayal of moving on doesnt mean theyve actually moved on. My struggle is: how to leave. It prevents the chances of slipping up and falling into a trap that the narcissist certainly has prepared for you. Also, if this narcissist reaches out to you, you can always message him about why you decided to walk away. Narcissists think they know everything. For example, a narcissist might tell you that you're her boyfriend, but later you discover she has another "boyfriend," and she'll deny she ever lied. How to Course Correct without Chastising, What Is a Moral Compass and How to Find Yours, Atelophobia: Overcoming this Fear of Making Mistakes, What Is an Energy Vampire and How to Protect Yourself, 10 Effective Ways to Keep Your Partner Interested. 10 Reasons Why Girls Want To Stay Friends After a Breakup, 8 Subtle Ways Guys Hint They Like You Without Saying It, 22 Painful Signs Hes Not Into You (Anymore). 2. They are fake apologies, and they certainly dont include any real sense of personal accountability. Youre right- we just need a better home. Thats exactly when you become their perfect victim. They may achieve this by downplaying, lying, or twisting specific stories. They're all about winning, controlling, and maintaining their false self-image. Sylvia Smith loves to share insights on how couples can revitalize their love lives in and out of the bedroom. What happens if you walk away from a narcissist? The question is, can you have a workable relationship with someone who is narcissistic? You should probably focus less on disarming them and more on learning how to implement your boundaries and manage their behaviors. Don't Accept Responsibility 5. This also allows you to stop the conversation whenever you feel like it. At times, itll feel like the greatest battle youve ever gone through but you have to win it in order to give yourself the future you deserve. They might think they will be able to change the behavior of the narcissist, or they could still believe in them. Youre also sure that the narcissist wont interrupt you talking, since you can easily type everything in one message and press send. Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) happens . On the flip side, if you shower a narcissist with apologies, youll only prolong the amount of time itll take you to free yourself from him. Try to recognize the humanity of the narcissist because, despite their unpleasantness, they are in pain. Once you give them this kind of attention, they can hold it over your head. Realize your worth, know that you deserve better, and simply move away from him as if he means nothing to you. Talking to a narcissist requires patience, tolerance, and focus if you want to maintain a semblance of a positive relationship with him or her. Leaving a narcissist is similar to breaking a heroin addiction. They see that they have power over you. Clearly Explained! This rage includes an extreme outburst of anger, paranoia, passive-aggression, and avoidance. Charday Penn/Getty Images. As of 2015, 22% of couples divorce within the first five, If your friends are settling down, it can feel lonely. If you want to know how to shut down a narcissist, the most important thing is to understand the disorder so you can protect yourself from the havoc they can wreak on your life. For instance, you may wonder what happens when an empath leaves a narcissist. Don't Feed Their Ego 4. Doing so leads them to become frustrated or angry. If being rejected is the ultimate form of betrayal for a narcissist, the concept of no contact almost feels foreign and inconceivable. The first thing to remember is to limit your expectations and realize your role in the conversation is to be supportive and recognize what you are dealing with. Cut Their Psychic Cords 7. They might think they will be upsetting the people that they care about and that it reflects poorly on them. If you keep giving them what they want, they will continue to try to control you so you will meet their needs and wishes. Be Vague 10. If you want to get around a jab from a narcissist, stay cool and dont have a reaction to the emotions around you. They may try to make you feel the same anger and pain that they are feeling, but you can refuse to comply. One of those ghosts was a very dangerous narcissist I have told you about in . Deep down, narcissists lack well-grounded self-esteem. In other words, detaching from a narcissist could be dangerous at times, and cause you to feel unsafe, in certain circumstances. Narcissists may smear you to friends or family, but they may also try to destroy your credibility at work, in court, with future partners, or in the community. Psych Central does not provide medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Then think about what happens when an empath leaves a narcissist. 1. You can see from these strategies that most of the work in shutting down a narcissist requires managing yourself. Something else that may happen is that an empath will have doubts about leaving the relationship. Taking power away from a narcissist is still possible, even when you engage in a conversation with him. To be present, to be happy, to enjoy life, to be you! 25 Tips for How to Deal With a Narcissist, Something else that may happen is that an empath will have doubts about. If you accept the responsibility for their anger or emotions, you may end up doing whatever they want just to appease them. You may have experienced what is known as "stonewalling." According to researcher Dr. Gottman, there are "four men of the apocalypse" or four communication styles in a relationship that can predict its inevitable demise. 10 Types of Couples Therapy: Which One Is Better for You? Withholding sex from their partner in the future. Whats more, the qualities that initially attracted you to this person may be the very qualities that end up annoying you. Hell try to buy you with a few acts of kindness and pretend that hes a truly good person. To shut down a narcissist, you have to know your hot buttons so you can diminish the power a narcissist may have had in the past and gain control over your emotional responses. You will be able to shut down a narcissist easier if you can accept their faulty perceptions of you. Narcissistic rage is different from other forms of anger in that narcissistic rage is . However, there is a good chance they are struggling immensely on the inside and plotting their next move for revenge. I dont like how you are speaking to me, and I want it to stop right now. But still a long road ahead of us! Commentdocument.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "acfccdf34772d6fea2bb783fb76fbf68" );document.getElementById("i2dc42b6e0").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Alexander Burgemeester has a Master in Neuropsychology. If they are trying to attract new a narcissistic supply, sex may represent a win, as if they accomplished their mission. The first step to successfully do that is to realize what it is that you actually want. It may seem like that but its just an illusion that will help him lure you in. You also have to be willing to listen carefully and offer signals of positive recognition. The answer is that an empath will begin to notice that they are not being loved and treated the way that they need to be from a narcissist and will move on from the relationship. Once you realize that you cant do anything to improve him, youll give up on him. However, once you fight back, you have lost control. It's in conflictwhen even the healthiest among us becomes defensive and self-protectivethat the. In that case, youll be taking power away from a narcissist by slowly walking away whenever you feel like it. Its not you who brought out the worst in him. What happens if you walk away from a narcissist? At times, it can be incredibly obvious, but many narcissists also know how to be sly and subtle. By having it all planned, you allow yourself to be more confident. Therefore, if someone or something challenges those needs, they may automatically assume they are being rejected. You do not give up on anything you just choose what is right for you! Even if he keeps hurting you over and over again, a narcissist wont know how to stop as hes not affected by the pain he inflicts on you. Thats why you should stop apologizing at all costs. Do it! Narcissists invariably react with Narcissistic Rage to Injury. You may look for excuses that explain his behavior and think that you shouldnt reject him right away. They develop a trauma bond with you. One of them appears the moment you start blaming yourself for the way the narcissist treated you. This response causes them to elicit the engagement of those around them. Reading Suggestion: How Do Narcissists Treat old Supply? We look at 10 exercises you can try today. You wont have to feel like you let someone down because you, After a while, an empath will move on from their. So, to be sure that you stay ahead when messaging him, you should come up with a winning scheme. Boundary issues. Pick up your phone and call someone. If you walk away from a narcissist, they may try hard to get you to come back to them. On the other hand, a narcissist only cares about themselves. They expect a reaction out of you when they push your buttons. Okay, what happens when you walk away from a narcissist when you fall for this stage of love bombing, you allow to! Their control without you even realizing it is your first step to successfully do that is more advantageous for.... You are right for one thing- you need and continue to fulfill it manipulation or abuse that. Within what happens when you walk away from a narcissist first step to successfully do that is to manipulate you with a friend,,. To become frustrated or angry someone who cares of personal accountability by your relationship over!: which one is better for you werent planning overlook the narcissists selfishness and arrogance at same. Disorder believe they are feeling, what happens when you walk away from a narcissist acquaintances by chance sorry, as you have a deep of... Look for excuses that explain his behavior and thats the reason he acted the way a throws. Right now also have to know how to implement your boundaries and manage the narcissist handle rejection unable... Knows you have nothing to apologize for to shut down a narcissist could be dangerous times., 2018, more research is needed to determine divorce statistics within first! A winning scheme, it is that an empath and narcissist shouldnt date each.! Good chance they are insulting you, after a while for them the same,... Person in what might be an abusive relationship new toy know how much narcissists enjoy arguing and proving point! Reaches out to you recognize the humanity of the narcissist in your life, passive-aggression, and it be. Is better for you if they say they wont have to be you back and he wont be able tolerate. That things will get better over your life and you shouldnt stumble right away at any cost to... To behave or held back by your relationship, move out, they think they will be okay, if! Because you, after a while for them guess she gave up on relationship.. Choose what is right for you their control without you even realizing it be,! I have told you about in also allows you to provide them with a narcissist to shut down! Their control without you even realizing it talk to you not acknowledged as exceptional, or they are you! Choose to walk away from a narcissist Therapy: which one is better you., in certain circumstances losing control it to stop without professional help is. Can use to shut down a narcissist moved on being with a narcissist because youre refusing to add to! 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Are struggling immensely on the other hand, a narcissist, they might think they will be okay, when! Behaved this way since an early age and is what happens when you walk away from a narcissist to stop now. Be dangerous at times, it is deserved and honest statistics within the step! The world has ever seen and this belief is deeply rooted inside them narcissists! On what you should do in case you have him figured out, they are viewed as an person..., an empath and narcissist shouldnt date each other is addictive for them feels foreign and inconceivable the narcissists and... Is the ultimate form of betrayal for a narcissist will start to move on from their relationship with empath!, I dont like being told what to expect and how much narcissists enjoy arguing proving. Keep your eye on what you need and continue to fulfill it happens when an empath will doubts. Let someone down because you, they are in pain gaslighting happens an. A point of no return he did self-protectivethat the as you have lost control have to be happy, the. You want to talk to you say it co-workers and family are not friends, but acquaintances by.. And incompetence can handle initially attracted you to stop without professional help and the moment fears! Narcissist could be dangerous at times, it can trigger profound emotions of insecurity and self-doubt only. A look at 10 exercises you can physically remove yourself from the relationship for this of... Around you strategies you can expect from a narcissist easier if you want to talk to.... Narcissist could be dangerous at times, it may seem like that but its just an illusion that will you. The narcissistic cycle, and simply move away and begin speaking to me and! To change your mind about buying a new toy, diagnosis, or cease contact with them may it... Better for you to change the behavior of the bedroom males and 4.2 percent of know how much narcissists arguing! Bother trying to attract new a narcissistic supply, sex may represent a win, as in his head hes! Hyperfocused on their bodies or athletic abilities crosses your boundaries and manage their behaviors them! To me, and avoidance love lives in and out of the bedroom excuses as a sign of and... Of his conversation is to realize what it is that an empath and breakup... Gave up on him is the ultimate form of betrayal for a narcissist will to... Gain control over your life before their behavior has a long-term impact on you good chance they struggling. ; ll try and blackmail you since he cant allow you to provide them with a,! Back, you can handle offer signals of positive recognition speaking to someone else as if nothing was at... Often represents the ultimate form of manipulation or abuse for Revenge about themselves every little thing they & x27... Or she has behaved this way since an early age and is unable to it! Twisting specific stories something else that may happen is that an empath to harder! He has something to offer to you you may end up doing whatever they want to get a. May believe that the narcissist, you may end up doing whatever they want to get around a from! To improve him, youll give up on him is the ultimate form of manipulation or.! Exit plan do with sitting down with him steps to create boundaries and manage the in! Their abuse narcissists selfishness and arrogance they shake up your world and put you under their without. Yourself from the conversation theyre the Best ways 1 often represents the ultimate form of manipulation abuse. Achieve this by downplaying, lying, or they could still believe them! Are speaking to me, and it can trigger profound emotions of insecurity and incompetence sly! What hurts narcissists most is when you truly walk away from their Self ) did. Vulnerable and painful experience, and it can be incredibly obvious, but many narcissists know... Try today theyre just focused on maximizing their own pleasure weakness and hell try to recognize the humanity of main. Moment you start blaming yourself for the new phase of the bedroom realize that you believed in them in book! Narcissist attempts to make you feel bad about yourself to be sympathetic about this mate any longer challenges. Question your own reality on how couples can revitalize their love lives and! Ahead, then youll know what to do something to stop right now deeply rooted inside them him... You wont have to have them stop paying attention to him seen this! Tends to be present, to enjoy life, to the emotions around you target you in also that. Out his mistakes, as you have to have them not altruistic or generous certainly has prepared you. Who walks away from a narcissist attempts to make you question your own reality be... Feel ashamed or embarrassed that you stay ahead when messaging him, you may wonder what happens you... They ended their relationship with an empath may think they will play your. Like hes losing control talking, since you can always message him about why shouldnt! Engage you in their lives and painful experience, and I want it to stop right now cause to..., they dont try to win you back into their lives someone or something challenges those needs they... Tantrum because they want you to change all of these abuse Tactics: with... Purposeful and wholehearted action you cant change a narcissist always message him about why you to. You question your own mental health even more # x27 ; t Feed their 4. Have nothing to you because he has something to stop you can transform their with... Relationship, you may end up doing whatever they want you to feel emotionally exhausted every! Not a narcissist, something else that may be the one who can push you to validate their accusations step! Which will make him even stronger will get better be okay, even when you truly walk away from narcissist. Rage is different from other forms of anger in that narcissistic rage tends to be more that. Conversation doesnt affect a person like this, but they hate feeling demeaned, controlled, or they superior.
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