He's living the high life and probably enjoys Tom's . I love him, but its hard when he chooses his daughter over me and doesnt seem to care about what i want in life. The daughter even sent me a message asking if i wanted to join for lunch Xmas day, but despite this, my partner said, "last yr i didn't even see my family for Xmas, and i only see them once every few months, and i spend lots of time with you every week and just want an Xmas day with just them. Reprinted with permission from the author. Now I get along with them all & they eat at my place & Ive been to the sons home. He said it's tradition for him to go to some party with some friends that he only sees on Halloween and New Years Eve each year. My boyfriend spend the weekend with his ex. Your boyfriend is essentially choosing his mother over you because hes used to his mom being in control of his decisions and life. She goes on the say she wants someone who will choose herself instead of his daughter. He didn't invite me to come with him to either one. Yes it will continue hes 3 years shy of 30 and still needs mommy and daddy to tell him what to do! Why Does My Ex-boyfriend Still Want To Sleep With Me? He always tells me that we are very different people and never wants us to be close because nothing will change. If she isn't willing to compromise you too better not get married, cuz the holidays aren't any different or easier when you get married. Wanda says: Nothing like being a third wheel behind a four-legged friend. We could say that hes subservient to her and that he hasnt learned youre supposed to come before her. After 7 years we don't spend holidays or birthdays together-what does this mean? Can you imagine meeting someone for a few supervised lunches and then agreeing to bind yourself to that person for life? ZWY5MGNhZWUzMTEzOTFmZjc2M2I0ZmEwMTg5YTFiYWZiZWIzZTE1MDU4MjAz & with them being such a large group theres pretty much some sort of gathering every week that he wants to go to. My boyfriend always chooses his family over me My boyfriend 27 and I 26 have been together for 3 years. No parents will decide our kids names and decide where we live etc. Do fathers love their daughters more than their wives? My partner and i have been living together for 3 years. It was too much for me to deal with, and I thought the best thing for us was to part ways. 2. How would you feel if he expected you to give up Christmas with your family to be with him? Quite the contrary, she's sort of just let her son float away like a balloon on a cool, cloudless day. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Please make sure you read our rules here. Either there is a separation or there is no relationship. Im over this relationship because he loves his daughter more than me, and its not fair for me to be in a place where I am constantly feeling neglected. I can't be sure about his reasons but anyway don't try to push him, just let it go and focus on having a good relationship. But she knew he was a man with children when she met him as he was always honest about his 3 children. Having a name for your kids already picked by dad and living further from work just to be closer to mom and dad. If that's too much for him then I'm sorry chick, but he doesn't care and you'll be happier with someone else. I dont know what to do about this relationship because he isnt willing to make any changes. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. I know we were raised differently. You cant do anything about a guy so closed-minded and exploitable. MGZhNzAwODJjY2RkOGM5Yjk5ZmI0ZDYzODJjMTk5OGU1NjAxMWQzOWRmMTM3 Some people say get over it but I just keep thinking how nice it was in a past relationship where we were together for the holidays. His family is set on a location close to where they currently live, even if it's an older house and far from where we both work. Totally agree when you said relationships are hard enough with just two people. Im not going to give up on him because it would make me feel like a failure, and I need all the family that I can get at this point in my life. The Top 4 Different Types Of Breakups And How To Get Over? Dont get me wrong. Move on then! He did say he'd come over in the day time and spend as long as he could with me before he had to go to this party. What should I do about this?' Some of this depends on your ages and how long you've been together. So keep in mind that a mothers role in her sons life isnt to supervise his relationships and make certain her son doesnt make any mistakes. Why Does Your Husband Choose Family Over You In Your Relationship? Best 7 Ideas With How Scorpios Deal With Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP, Top 7 Keys To Understanding How Men Deal with Breakups - SMART RELATIONSHIP. YjY5OTdmZjFiZWNmZjA2MDU4OGU2NzZkYWJkYjlkZjQ1ZTcyNjg5ZTAyZDIy Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. He has known his mother all his life. How To Cope With A Breakup You Dont Want? My disappointment is that her family all love me but my partner has said to me, "last Xmas i saw you and your family and didn't even see my family, i rarely get to see them so just want to spend a quality day with them Xmas day, and your quite welcome to come to the house the next morning and join us all for a barby. Create an account to follow your favorite communities and start taking part in conversations. You can't expect people - even your own boyfriend or husband to protect you from external influences. First of all, you cant make your boyfriend do what he doesnt want to do. MGY3ZjUzYzUyODk3MGI4N2JiYzM3OGE4YjJhZGJlNzZlZDMzNGJhYTcwNzUx I asked him a couple of days ago what he was doing for Christmas. You need to build your own family with a guy, not his dad selecting names for kids and having longer daily commute just to see his family. Its okay for us to be seen in the neighborhood but he's never taken me out out in public. For example, dating is prohibited hence why there are so many arranged marriages in the faith. They have no right to tell you youre too young to make life decisions when youre in ur mid 20s? Privacy Policy. But its really important for you and the child, not just the other parent. I can't picture how awkward that household is. He doesnt love me enough because if he did, he would make more time for myself instead of spending all day doing work stuff or going out with friends or living life without thinking about us at home. HELP! But in our everyday life, this important factor of life is being jeopardized due to distress, tension, depression, work load, mental health, stress, and many other issues. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isnt just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. My Ex Is Drinking/Partying After A Breakup, doesnt understand relationship boundaries, getting out of his comfort zone and making decisions without his mother. So I am confused as to whats the hold up. Good luck to you 152 Matt Jay Former USAF special operator, lawyer, judge (1987-2010) Author has 5.1K answers and 5.9M answer views 1 y I love my girlfriend and my family, but I am so frustrated and done being the middle man. I hated going to my husbands family for thanksgiving (terrible cooks for one thing)! When you get through the dumpee stages, youll realize that your ex actually did you a favor. Of course he is commited, it's just he has 3 different sets of family to see, its always going to be tricky but smile, because thats what makes him unique. Both my relatives and my gf put so much pressure on me, and even have begun to try manipulating my decisions. I even offered to spend the evening with her on Christmas Day but that isnt enough either. This drives a wedge between them and forces them to take that persons opinion and advice very seriously. I have a friend who is trying to get away from this dynamic. We live across the country from our hometowns, because we were both offered jobs on the West Coast. For example, you guys agree that he needs to know three days in advance or else he tells his family he's busy, and after your discussion, he informs his family that he needs three days or more notice or he can't go because it's unfair to you. OGMxYThkM2NmYzJmNTNkYzYzZjllMjUxYmJmMjkzYjc2ZTBjNjg0MDMzZTU2 ODdhMjkyNGYyYWM3MzViNTc5Y2VkYWUwNmNiZGJmNjcxY2FmMjY2NTZhYTE3 YjRhMDg2ZmE4MDZkZmQzNzc3YmZiMmFiMTUwZjBhM2I5MjY1NDZkZGU4Zjg1 You both need to figure out a compromise and agree to it, and then he discusses it with his family. She's being selfish. I'm in another country right now and I can't leave due to certain circumstances and he knows that. Honest Conversation With Him If your boyfriend constantly prioritizes his family over you, it can be tough to feel like you're a priority in his life. Sometimes it even feels like you did a poor job raising her. We had a pretty big fight because his family said that I'm still young and don't know what's good for me and that I should trust them with life decisions. I believe it is OK, because he needs some time to catch up with his family. I dont want to have any regrets when he dies. (My boyfriend describes this as generally how arranged marriages go.). I was raised to make my own decisions and if they were bad, then suffer the consequences. Your family will always be there and should not come first because your by default you share the same DNA. When people show you who they are, believe them. Marriage is typically the beginning of a new starting point for a couple. YmM0Mjk3NjQzNDQ3YjhlMmJiZjVhN2YyMzdmMDhkYWJiYjM4MzcyMDljNDM4 NDBmYjZmMTcwYmJhODliYTkwYzk4YzU5NTMzMTA5OWY0M2IwM2NiNjc0OTY2 Fathers day. Answer (1 of 13): You can be jealous all you want. Exactly. What do I do? I don't know what to do or how to react, I'm very bummed because he promised me and I love christmas eve and my family has always been extremely support of him, they have been there for him always, he has a strange relationship with her mother because she is very cold and doesn't take care of him, she doesn't cook or will drive him anywhere, she doesn't want to buy him a car and doesn't want to borrow her car to him, so when his at my home we always cook for him, we drive him and pick him up whenever he needs to, I'm a very good girlfriend to him and me and my family are always there for him, much more than his own family. If you believe Wordfence should be allowing you access to this site, please let them know using the steps below so they can investigate why this is happening. I feel very put off by this, as New Years Eve feels like a couples kind of holiday. I don't know what to do, I don't want to lose her. He was always doing everything with her, and he didnt pay attention to what I wanted or needed. She's definitely missing out. If your boyfriend chooses his mother over you, your boyfriend isn't just agreeing with his mother and listening to her advice. here it is almost 1 am & he still out enjoying his day. We've been together for 3 years and 8 months. Maybe it's time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. I know buying a house is probably the biggest decision we'll ever make, and theres so many factors to it. The sooner he excludes his mother and makes his relationship about you and him, the sooner you can expect love, happiness, and independence to start to improve. -----END REPORT-----. He's always welcome to stay at our house whenever we're in town (which he does a lot of the time), and he's met my relatives. I'm currently in the same situation and idk what to do. It's impossible not to love my boyfriend. MTg2ZDZkMjEzN2M3MWEzYzdlMWUzMjUyMmZlNTQ1NWQ4NDQ1YjQ2ODY1YTVk Generated by Wordfence at Thu, 2 Mar 2023 8:27:27 GMT.Your computer's time: document.write(new Date().toUTCString());. My boyfriend never chooses me over his family but he always says that I'm his top priority and he calls me his future wife. MTdkZGFhMzY0ZGQ3ZDgzMzk1OWNkMWJiNTI4MGYzMDFjNTM2OTUxM2Y5ZmE5 I'm not just any girl, either I'm a non-Muslim, white, born and raised Catholic. RELATED: How To Get Him To Notice You (Over Someone Else), According To His Zodiac Sign. Before that, you should try talking about his codependency and whether hes prepared to take back control of his life. MTU1MGQwZGViYTBlNjQwNDk2YjZkYzdmZWJiZTZmNzMyNTI2Zjc0YjAzNzEx People need to make them from time to time to learn from them and become better equipped for their relationships. It feels like she came first and everyone else second, making me feel like I come last. LEAVE HIM! If he chooses to do so respect it and just focus on the good stuff of the relationship. MDE3ZTQ0MThkZWRhMjA3ZDZlOGE3MzEzZTM5M2E1ODc0YjA0MzQyOTAyZTdl Obviously I want time with just us two but for some reason that I dont know of, he gets a bit mad or hes annoyed that I want time with just us two, which makes me feel like shit and I dont know how to respond but I just react in a way that I shouldnt do such as, Ill start an argument or just not talk to him. Shes an authority figure in his life, so he thinks that if he said no that his mom would unleash her manipulative wrath on him and make him feel unwanted emotions. he is now saying we need to go to the dinner & i told him i dont want to because one, we already had plans set & they made these last minute which is unfair & two, we just got together with them last week for a party. i broke up with a boyfriend of 6 yrs for the same reason. In this series 'Ask Bhabi Jii' I publish questions from readers along with my response based on my opinion and personal experience. Hanging Out With An Ex While In A Relationship. If his people are being rude or mean to you, your boyfriend should stand up for you. Like right this minite. He is at her house 2xs daily sometimes 3. We were so close before all this happened, and now we barely speak at all. Your access to this site was blocked by Wordfence, a security provider, who protects sites from malicious activity. Where we liveclose to mom. What could I have done differently? It'snot a good future you two are going to have. So much so that I've never even met her, nor am I allowed on her property (which is actually no issue for me I'm OK with staying far away from her, believe it or not). The truth is that even though they are related by blood, for my boyfriend, shes just someone who needs him, and for me, hes all Ill ever need. Extremely close. This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. If he doesnt stop letting his parent destroy trust and love or taking away quality time from you, someone could fall out of love and leave the relationship. But I make very sure that our own home has a Christmas family day either the next day or the one after. He could have at least talked with me about it first before he did anything. It sounds like the question then becomes: is this something that the author can accept? OTgzNTVlZjFhNTE4OGMwNjExNjYzNGEyZDYxNDM1Mzc3ZGM4OTRlMjljMzY0 I Left Everything For You, But You Failed Me: Letter To Husband Who Chooses His Family Over Wife. The only reason he'll stay at his mom's place is that he's still close with his stepdad and sister. & he just doesnt see it that way. I want to spend time with him. Falling in love with someone who has children can be the greatest experience, but it can also come with obstacles. My advice is to talk about it with the guy first and try to resolve things. I've always known how close he is with his family and I really liked that about him. Share your thoughts below! ), RELATED: The Completely Unscientific Way To Make Him Choose You Over Her. We've been together ever since. It drives me crazy because Im not getting the time I need from him. But I did it anyway. You may want to try speaking to someone via RelationshipHero.com for empathetic, specific, and genuinely insightful relationship advice at its most convenient. I asked if maybe I could see him in the evening on Christmas Day and he said yes, but it would be later than we usually see each other. That shows that he isnt mature and strong enough to stand up to his mom and let her know her place. its the craziest shitbefore covid i didnt know they were like this. I cant believe he chose his daughter over me, I dont know what I did wrong, but its time for me to stop blaming myself and move on with my life. NTNiYTgwMGUwNmU1ODljYjg2ZmI4MmU3MGE1ZTFiM2IwNWVjODBiZmE4ZWQx You did everything in your power to make him see that his mother was bad for the relationship, but instead of listening to you, he lost respect and love for you and ended things with you. I know that being dumped sucks a lot as the breakup makes you feel lost, worthless, and weak, but try not to take your ex-partners abandonment personally. It makes me wonder if there is something wrong with him or if it just means we are not meant to be. This is not an all-inclusive list. This is how he wants to live. If you can't compromisedon't be in a relationship period. And what is required of him is to put his romantic relationships above people who try to meddle with them. I feel betrayed to be honest. And she went away last year and I just had to deal with it. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. YTZlY2NmZDdlNDlhMTY4NTY3ZDMyM2MyYzE4Y2NmYTRmMSIsInNpZ25hdHVy Hes not just going to magically change. So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and we have had our ups and downs through the time we've been together for different reasons but most of our arguments come from him choosing his friends over me. That isn't going to deal with your real conundrum, which is 'My bf prioritizes someone else ahead of me. I knew I got lucky when I met him on Tinder that summer (yes, good things can come off the app!). Njk0YWU4YjQ4NmYzMjNlN2U5ZjA0YTQwZWIzOWZhYzNlZmJlOTI5MGY5OWM5 i did, and I don't regret it. I knew a Guy who had about five close friends and drinking buddies. my boyfriend is playing all day long, when he comes home from work and we are cooking together, he always talks about how he looses free time with his boys on discord because he "needs to help me cook". Your boyfriend is basically letting his mother control him and making him seem incapable of maintaining his relationship on his own. Her role is to be supportive of her sons decisions and encourage him to deal with his mistakes maturely. She is fearful that this wont stop when she is seriously dating bc its not something a partner should/would go through. But I feel disregarded all the time. for example today there is I deserve love as much as anyone else does! To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account. But he can't disobey his parents and he still chooses them all the time instead of me because he thinks he has no choice and he is obligated to. I don't think he's ready to start a new family with me at all. Think he's perfect for me, love everything about him. This article was originally published at PopSugar. Once he understands this, tell him youve noticed hes been on his mothers side recently and that for the relationship to work, he needs to be on your side. 25/04/2011 20:13. #2. My ex also cheated on me in our relationship, so this is why I want my husband gone. That will convey to your partner that the topic is serious and that hed better take you seriously and do something about it. He gives her life purpose as he indirectly motivates her to perform her motherly duties and allows her to feel fulfilled. M2MwMDY4NmMxNTcyNWNkZGZmYmQ3ZTM4NTE0OGM2MGQ2YzdiYWE2ZjZlMjA4 You need to set boundries. But to let their mothers tell them what they can and cant dothats over the top. New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast. Unfortunately an ultimatum is the only option in a position like this imo. That's just my opinion though and I could be wrong. Njk4MGFjZTRhMzJlYzkwNzVkNDAxNjU5M2IyMTNlYzY5NjVjYjFhMmZjNzE5 I do not know if I am only asking for too much of his time or if he really chooses his family over me. In the end, I cant change who he chose, so instead of wasting my time and energy, Im focusing on myself because at least then no one will have to choose between their child and me.. Anyway, if he chooses his mother over you every time his mother needs his help or attention, its evident that the guy doesnt understand his role in the relationship. ODU4NjRjNGIzZTFiMDY2Yjg2Yzk1NTk4MWJjN2E1YzcwZTg3Mjk2MmQzOTlk He's charming, funny, sweet, endlessly patient (seriously he takes my constant button-pushing like a champ), ambitious, handsome, and happy. They had an arranged marriage after migrating to the U.S., where my boyfriend was born. 1. He told me he didnt want to get into it, but maybe my husband can shed some light on, Im going to reach out and see if we can work something out where he doesnt have to choose between his daughter or me because she needs her family too. I took that as he wasn't going to be inviting me to either of his Christmas gatherings, so I didn't bother to try to invite him to anything for my family for Christmas Eve (even though I'd love for him to come). Welcome to r/relationship_advice. I feel he should and that is not my duty to bring it up. he is mexican & has a very large traditional family, meaning theyre always getting together in large groups for birthdays, holidays, everything. He doesnt care about what I want in life and always tells me how different we are. My boyfriend eventually talked me off the ledge. My boyfriend and I met online and have been together a little over a month. If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. Photo: getty. He never stops posting pictures of them on Facebook or telling me how shes doing at school. We have no relationship left, and it feels like theres nothing between us. Each year a load of my family come down to spend the Christmas period with us and it is full of (drunken) great times. 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