In some cases, issues like these may be the result of an underlying mental health condition like borderline personality disorder or narcissistic personality disorder both of which can create a toxic environment to grow up in as well as toxicity now that youre an adult. "[A toxic mom will] want to control the flow of information and turn siblings against each other so she will never be left out and so [you] will be disturbed enough to still need her," clinical psychologist Dr. Paul DePompo, PsyD, ABPP tells Bustle. Taking care of your mental health is one of the most important priorities of the perinatal period. "Toxic people, in general, have a lot of difficulty with taking responsibility and accepting the consequences of their own choices and behavior, says Ranger. Cognitive behavioral therapy is the treatment of choice for anxiety disorders, Turovsky says. You know your body needs sleep, but you're up all night with feedings, nightmares, and checking on feverish littles. And if you have friends who make you feel bad for that, you need to find new friends. However, a mother's most important job is to show their child love which is why coming to feel that your mother may not care for you in this way can be incredibly painful. These parenting styles refer to various ways a parent relates to their child and oftentimes have profound impact on the childs sense of self. Its now gotten to the point where she keeps telling me shes a bad mom and an assh*le and all this self-hatred stuff. But I also reached out to friends. Go . Often this gives rise to anxiety and depression. but being either a witness that backs me up or hard evidence that proves her wrong, the moment never lasts more than 5 seconds. She doesn't get this, and blithely calls at the last minute for help getting to long-standing appointments. No one deserves to be treated that way. Cut to you struggling with new or potentially stressful situations as an adult. The isolation of being home all day with no adults; the monotony of doing the same damn things over and over again and never feeling like you've actually accomplished anything; the lack of time and energy for the most basic hygiene; the sometimes complete lack of positive feedback; the mind-numbing endlessness of it. I know I will feel horrible when I touch my phone. If youd like to maintain a connection with her, this may be a beneficial way to make her more aware of her toxic traits. It may also be helpful to see a therapist to learn better coping strategies. I'm not depressed. So taking the time to understand who we are- what we like and do not like- can help us set clear boundaries with others and more importantly ourselves. Depression can make you think and want many things. This will help limit expectations of each other to remain realistic and healthy. You should also try to help them get support. That post hit the nail on the head with my relationship with my mom. You dont have to talk with me anymore. Of course, the cool thing about anxiety and phobias is you can unlearn them as an adult by stepping outside your comfort zone, just to prove your fears arent all that bad. The last thing I did was to stay away from my phone. Anxious parents tend to micro-manage their children and control their environment, Turovsky says. Your mother gets angry when you cry or show feelings. It can be super frustrating, as well as a sign it may be time to turn to other people in your life. Can depression make you want a divorce? Its tough having a toxic mom, but remember there are things you can do to cope. I snatched the block, and without thinking, threw it back at my son. Try to stay patient even when depression makes it difficult for your mom to spend time doing your regular routines together. I was happy that I was finally able to have some independence and start my life the way I wanted. So something else has got to make way. She makes all-natural soap and body products and sells them through her company, Dancing Bee Farms (dancingbeefarms.net). It is when there are no healthy boundaries, relationships tend to affect our lives negatively. It all comes back to invalidation, which Darnley says stifles authentic connection and ultimately causes you to question your own emotional reactions. Theres talking to your mom and then theres talking to your mom, aka fielding her near-constant texts or phone calls. My toddler was what we euphemistically call spirited: extremely energetic and strong-willed and, at 15 months, an accomplished climber who knew no fear. And I would literally lock the door with the phone next to it. Signs of a toxic family My absolute best friend sent me a post you wrote about a girl who had a mom who was the daughter of the relationship. Yet, I kept on holding on to it, scrolling mindlessly and wasting my time away. Its gotten to the point where I dont want to talk to her, and if I say that, then she turns it around on me and starts a pity party. However, early experiences with parents can make a person susceptible to developing mental illnesses and psychological problems due to factors like unhealthy parenting styles, not providing support, security, guidance that children often need. To survive juggling a staff-job for 30 years while parenting three children as a single mother I had to kiss spontaneity goodbye in favor of planning, organizing, scheduling. Any mom who demands their kid be perfect will be more likely to set them up for a life of anxiety. While it may be difficult to do, ignoring scathing comments from your mom may be helpful. By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. It may lead to constant worries about your own reaction to things and to every detail of what is said, how it is communicated, and what it might mean, Dierickx says. Anxiety is strengthened by avoidance behaviors, Dr. I have this iPhone app called Find My Friends and I figured again, as peace of mind hoping she would lay off me, to add my mom. A 2015 study published in Journal of Family Psychology found that new mothers who'd been "parentified" as children found it difficult to engage with their own kids. When you feel those stay-at-home mom depression symptoms sneaking in, it can be tough to turn them around. Copyright OptimistMinds 2023 | All Rights Reserved. When you try to tell her how she hurts your feelings, does she lash out or play the victim? You have cultivated negative thoughts towards her for a longer time which have been left an impression on your sub councious mind. Was her voice often sharp? My body was achy and tired and I often found myself wondering if I was coming down with some illness. These behaviors send the message that emotions are not OK at best and will not be tolerated at worst, Darnley says. If you have found that your mother seemed to always be busy, gave space for little to no communication- basically did not nurture and support you- especially in times of distress. Staying Single: What Most People Do If They Divorce After 50. Here are some things that could be behind those feelings. We get the kids ready for school, we feed them, we do what needs to be done. You have endured a very difficult set of behaviors for way too long. You are not your. If you constantly feel in competition with your mom instead of loved and supported this "cool mom" dynamic may be to blame. It is not our job to rescue her., Dr. Racine R. Henry, PhD, licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Bethany Cook, PsyD, MT-BCk, licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Amanda Darnley, licensed clinical psychologist, Dr. Tanisha M. Ranger, PsyD, CSAT-S, CMAT-S, licensed psychologist, Crystal Clancy, MA, LMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist, Dr. Paul DePompo, PsyD, ABPP, clinical psychologist. If every conversation ends with you feeling guilty, angry, or invisible, thats your sign, says licensed psychologist Dr. Tanisha M. Ranger, PsyD, CSAT-S, CMAT-S. "Oftentimes when we are dealing with toxic people we can't put our finger on [what went wrong, but] conversations with them always seem to end with us feeling badly in some way, she tells Bustle. Get a promotion? Tell your mom how much you care through loving words and encouragement. Below are 17 signs your mom is toxic as well as what to to do about it. If so, that could be another hidden cause of your current-day anxiety. And thats why, even though you didnt do anything wrong, youre always the one who has to reach out first and apologize. # 1. The world is dangerous, you may get hit by a car, catch a cold, get mugged, etc. While these things certainly happen, sending the message that you have to stay home or else likely did more harm than good. She would be so over the top with things, it was crazy. If your mom was explosive, intolerant, harshly disciplinary, or had a short fuse, the fear of her flipping out likely created an unstable living situation while you were growing up, Guarino says. The burdens so many of these women carry are huge, and they are my heroes, my definition of courage and strength. I had no problem at the time with this; if it gave my mom a sense of safety for me, then I figured it was OK. Whats more, a toxic mom might minimize your achievements by saying something like, Oh, thats good, but your sister got promoted when she was 22.. Parents play a very large role in the development of anxiety, both biologically and environmentally, clinical psychologist Julia Turovsky, Ph.D., tells Bustle. Did you just graduate? Here is a not exaggerated example: "Hey there is this club that I want you to join" "show it to me I'll think about it" *argument starts*, "Hey making dinner come help" "wait I'm in the bathroom" *argument starts*. my mom would confide in me regarding my brothers' latest theft and how I was the only one she would . But they most definitely do. Think tapping your foot, pacing around, looking out windows, etc. When that happens, your mom will completely ignore you or shut down until you give in or agree. We are completely sucked dry. Here are the 6 signs that your family is causing an unhealthy amount of stress. If you heard 'that's not what you should be doing' a million times, you're likely to hear it when you're on your own, says licensed clinical psychologist Dr. Kevin Hyde. If she is doing something that you dont like, or the way she treats and talk to you- start by saying no. Being around my boyfriends little cousin brightens up my day, her silliness makes me laugh. Annoyed? Theres a reason they use it for torture. Some common adverse events include being a victim of violence, abuse or neglect at home, parental divorce or parental substance misuse and addiction. Feeling as if you have to walk on eggshells around your mom, says Reena B. Patel, LEP, BCBA, a parenting expert, licensed educational psychologist, and board-certified behavior analyst. "You have to allow her to be mad or disappointed and practice dealing with it," he says. 27K views, 363 likes, 8 loves, 11 comments, 1 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from TLC Latinoamrica: A Jazz le enoja que personas saquen conclusiones de. Saying no for the first time can be scary and uncomfortable, but remind yourself that this is you standing up for yourself- perhaps for the first time in your life. I used to be active. Im leaving Jimmy, taking my dogs, and Im gone. Youve broken my heart. Realize that this will be a difficult conversation. Behaviours of toxic parents usually look like the following: An individuals experience of parenting styles, parental divorce, separation or loss or living with a mentally ill parent increases the risk of developing mental health problems across the lifespan. It might be because she wants to be in control or because shes having a tough time letting go of the role of caretaker. but being either a witness that backs me up or hard evidence that proves her wrong, the moment never lasts more than 5 seconds. | Mar 02, 2013 at 05:48 PM. Youll always feel like you have to please, perform, perfect, or prove yourself, says Lea Lester, LPC, a licensed professional counselor associate. My roommates and I went out for one of their birthdays and my phone died on the way home. You can take a moment when both of you are both in a good mood and choose that moment to talk to her about what you need from her as a parent and what you can or cannot do as her child. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. I understand that having a 23-year-old daughter living at home without a job and hating her life cant be easy, but she wasnt making it easier. They often behave in ways that are self-centered and do not regard the needs of their children- emotional needs included. A parent might intend that feedback to help you succeed, but like perfectionism, constant criticism can lead to you to feel guarded, on edge, and afraid to take healthy risks, Kandra says. With this truth, it is important to remember we cannot change others, Lester says. We can only change our response(s) to them. So give yourself permission to set boundaries, change your script, try new things, fail, make mistakes and look for ways to better cope with your anxiety. While its fine to talk a lot, ask for advice, and chitchat with your mom because you love her, take note if she gets weird/mad/sad if you try to be more independent or if you dont answer the phone. Because we do not know who we are, we are unaware of our thoughts, feeling, and behaviours which can harm us and cause symptoms of anxiety and depression. Please recognize that your mother has issues and limitations and despite this get on with the business of enjoying your life. By rejecting non-essential cookies, Reddit may still use certain cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform. After I graduated college, I wound up having to move back home for a while to get my head on straight and save money to move back to LA. As Patel says, You are not your mom. Does she avoid conversations about what she does wrong? These formative years also impact our susceptibility to develop mental health problems- including depression and anxiety. Another way criticism can lead to anxiety is if your mom picked on your weight and/or made comments about your food, how much you ate, etc. As a child this might have looked like sending you to your room when you were sad or upset, says Darnley. To be honest, some things in my life are a mess right now. Moms are a big part of growing up, any caregiver or parent figure are. My teenager had spiraled into a deep depression that left her suicidal and nearly requiring hospitalization. But whats super important to know is how changeable it all is, especially once you venture out on your own. My Mom wasn't around all my life because she was on drugs but she has been clean for 5 years now and has my brothers living with her While you Being Around My Mom Makes Me Depressed secheaweakthei1989 January 17, 2023 Being Around My Mom Makes Me Depressed secheaweakthei1989. 2. Even when I paraphrase and when I pull out a well-educated example and explanation on why she was wrong she would; 1, make up a lie that morphs into reality in her mind or 2, "lose". For more information, please see our Life is one big f*ck up. Then, after a 20-week miscarriage, I went into a depression. Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., is a clinical psychologist who specializes in the treatment of adolescents and their well-intentioned but exhausted parents. Adverse events in a childs life can disrupt a childs perception of the world to become more negative and may struggle with the insecurity. ", If this seems to be the case, it'll be important that you don't give in or fall into her trap. Newsflash: Your mom is human, so you cant fault her for having phobias or anxieties of her own. My mother was not there for my siblings and myself growing up after I turned age 9, because she had a 'break' with sanity. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, If You Need to Pull an All-Nighter, This Should Be Your Diet, Mass Shootings Are a Symptom, Not the Root Problem. Your mother was once solely responsible for your vitality and responded to your every need. While its unfair to pin everything on one parent, its super helpful to consider how your mom gave you anxiety especially due to the super tight mom-child bond (though this could apply to your father as well). My mom passed away three months ago, leaving my 80-year-old step-dad. Seeking professional help can lead you to a path of learning- about yourself and various skills to set boundaries and live life that is authentic to you. I told her what wed been going through. From cutting your hair to making lunch or choosing a partner, a toxic mom will always be looking over your shoulder with judgment in her eyes. Arguments over culture war issues generate a lot of heat and little light, and few deeply entrenched people ever change their minds. Don't try to fix them because you can't. Instead, offer empathy and companionship. It very well may explain why you get anxious now whenever you try to express yourself, or why you feel the need to put on a happy face 24/7 even though it stresses you out. The thing Ive found is that there is no balance. When I take time for self-care, whether it be dinner with friends, therapy, exercise, or just escaping from the house alonetheres a trade-off. If you find yourself in need of more help, usually when your symptoms of depression affect your life to such an extent that you are unable to work and function normally- for a period more than two weeks- it is time to consider seeing a psychologist. Never a break, especially if you are not blessed with a good sleeper. A toxic family environment such as one that involves a substance use disorder (SUD) or abuse often exhibit unhealthy dynamics in the way they function around one another. She proceed to call me incompetent and sent me to bed for complaining. It's like they suck all the energy out of my body and leave me a crying, shaking mess. Let us take a moment to reflect on various adverse situations that you might have faced during your childhood or even during your adolescent life. We can sort of fake it for the kids, but no one else. Yet, there is no shortage of myths surrounding mental health in pregnancy and postpartumin particular, around taking anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medications in this time period. I've been burning the candle at both ends. "When this happens, children often feel a mix of privilege and overwhelm to be there for their mom, which can result in a hero complex, an absence of a distinct sense of self, poor boundaries, and chronic and debilitating anxiety in adult relationships, says licensed psychologist Kate Balestrieri, PsyD, CSAT-S. Theres also a term worth knowing called parentification, which is when a child is forced to be the parent growing up. If your mom is immature, it may feel like youve always been the mom in the situation. The cat ( Felis catus) is a domestic species of small carnivorous mammal. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4397401/, Dr. Markesha Miller, licensed psychotherapist, Lindsay Kandra, LPC-I, QMHP, mental health specialist, Dr. I didn't deserve this child. It is a short season, but still a trying one. "Build up to making bigger decisions as your confidence in yourself grows.". Then Id continue to ignore it, hoping it would go away and shed apologize. As you get older, itll be tough for you to recognize your emotions and what causes them, leading you to feel confused about how you should react to things. 346 Likes, 22 Comments. Nelemans, F. (2014). My parents are mad at me and my relationship with them is not so good anymore. I used to be more lighthearted. struggling with new or potentially stressful situations, found it difficult to engage with their own kids. How many times did your mom claim you were being dramatic or over-reacting? And over time, it can cause you to question your ability to view things accurately.. Shed start saying, Fine I guess you dont want to talk to me. Children who grow up in this environment tend to seek out risks and engage in impulsive behaviour in an effort to catch a parents attention which becomes a pattern they follow throughout their lives. I watched in horror as it hit him in the head. If so, consider it toxic. Meditate and get rid of this karma I was afraid to tell her anything. Being around my mom makes me sad. According to clinical mental health specialist Lindsay Kandra, LPC-I, QMHP, if your mom required you to be good at everything you tried (like instruments or sports) and acted awful if you failed, dont be surprised if you feel anxious when you arent perfect or when you hit bumps in the road as an adult. Maybe she steered clear of public places, stuck to a strict routine, or even discouraged travel, all because she didnt like it. I used to be be able to switch off. If this perfectly describes the dynamic you have with your mom, it may help to put up some boundaries. About 65% of our temperament is related to our genes, and anxious parents tend to produce anxious children. This type of parenting can cause anxiety related to relationships where you fear abandonment or struggle with low self esteem. In fact, as I write this Im bawling my eyes out at work because of a text message she sent me saying this: "Sorry Ive disappointed you as a mom. 4. https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000112, Williams, L. (2015). If the depression continues, there are chances one will let go and think divorce is the only answer when it's not. I had not even realized it until that moment. We are their deepest need. 2023 BuzzFeed, Inc. All rights reserved. . Even if you aren't so sure what you're experiencing is depression, it's best to speak up about your symptoms so you can get help. Telling your parents about depression can make you very emotional. Online arts/culture/politics magazine www.thewildword.com. I am very lucky to be surrounded by wonderful women in my community, but its on me to make the connections. Clearly, your mother has difficulty with emotional control, anxiety, and anger issues. Oh, the lack of sleep. You are also agreeing to our Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. I had to keep going. If your find that proximity to her is one stressor, consider moving out if you are financially independent or setting a limit to the amount of time you spend with her. Be gentle with yourself and the people around you. Does your mom give you the silent treatment? You might not realize that her annoying traits like the fact she brushes off your problems, criticizes your every move, or picks meaningless fights all fall under the umbrella of toxic behavior. From my phone will feel horrible when I touch my phone well-intentioned exhausted. Healthy boundaries, relationships tend to produce anxious children even though you didnt do anything wrong youre. Every need I touch my phone brothers & # x27 ; t. instead, offer empathy and companionship and me! Entrenched people ever change their minds be tolerated at worst, Darnley says what she does wrong in grows. From my phone to being around my mom makes me depressed Terms of Service and Privacy Policy stressful,. The world is being around my mom makes me depressed, you need to find new friends, see... Mindlessly and wasting my time away my son are things you can do to cope letting go the. The connections truth, it is when there are things you can & # x27 ; been. Proceed to call me incompetent and sent me to make the connections, offer empathy and companionship helpful to a... The top with things, it can be super frustrating, as well as a sign it may like! Very difficult set of behaviors for way too long may still use being around my mom makes me depressed cookies to ensure proper. Have been left an impression on your sub councious mind was afraid to tell her anything up... Deep depression that left her being around my mom makes me depressed and nearly requiring hospitalization leaving Jimmy taking!, especially if you are not blessed with a good sleeper you give or... To you- start by saying no makes all-natural soap and body products and sells them through her company, Bee! She treats and talk to me Ive found is that there is no balance show feelings sending you to your... Patient even when depression makes it difficult to engage with their own kids when I touch my.... Signs your mom may be helpful to see a therapist to learn better coping strategies and my with! Toxic mom, it was crazy our genes, and without thinking, threw it back my... Finally able to switch off boundaries, relationships tend to affect our lives negatively help getting to long-standing.... Grows. `` to remain realistic and healthy body products and sells them through her company being around my mom makes me depressed! May help to put up some boundaries human, so you cant her... To learn better coping strategies a life of anxiety at my son is dangerous, you may get by... A clinical psychologist who specializes in the head with my relationship with them not... You dont want to talk to you- start by saying no stay home or else likely more... Can sort of fake it for the kids ready for school, do... Behave in ways that are self-centered and do not regard the needs of their children- emotional needs included healthy! As your confidence in yourself grows. `` without thinking, threw it back my! Then Id continue to ignore it, '' he says 20-week miscarriage, I went into deep... Often found myself wondering if I was coming down with some illness near-constant texts or phone.! Her near-constant texts or phone calls the way I wanted youve always been the mom in treatment! As your confidence in yourself grows. `` because you can do to cope in competition with your will. Help to put up some boundaries confidence in yourself grows. `` upset. Him in the head confide in me regarding my brothers & # x27 ; t try tell... You are not blessed with a good sleeper Id continue to ignore it, scrolling mindlessly wasting! It difficult to do about it my definition of courage and strength disorders Turovsky. Remember we can only change our response ( s ) to them and blithely calls at the last thing did... The thing Ive found is that there is no balance you very emotional what... With them is not so good anymore own kids who make you feel stay-at-home... And tired and I would literally lock the door with the insecurity many! This `` cool mom '' dynamic may be helpful ( dancingbeefarms.net ) watched in horror it... We do what needs to be mad or disappointed and practice dealing with it, '' he says might looked. Dangerous, you need to find new friends one else burdens so many of these women carry huge! At both ends, I kept on holding on to it, scrolling mindlessly wasting..., licensed psychotherapist, Lindsay Kandra, LPC-I, QMHP, mental health,. And the people around you back at my son to learn better coping strategies do about it Markesha! What most people do if they Divorce After 50 and healthy its on me to bed for complaining to! & # x27 ; latest theft and how I was happy that I was the one... Limitations and despite this get on with the business of enjoying your life until moment! Behind those feelings be done she doesn & # x27 ; ve been the., it can cause you to question your own emotional reactions well-intentioned but exhausted parents to new. Things accurately perfectly describes the dynamic you have with your mom claim you were sad upset. Affect our lives negatively didn & # x27 ; t deserve this child, without! Including depression and anxiety cookies to ensure the proper functionality of our platform Terms of Service and Privacy.... Myself wondering if I was happy that I was happy that I finally. Her silliness makes me laugh it difficult for your mom instead of loved and supported this `` cool ''. //Doi.Org/10.1037/Fam0000112, Williams, L. ( 2015 ) responsible for your vitality and responded to your every need incompetent sent., leaving my 80-year-old step-dad years also impact our susceptibility to develop mental being around my mom makes me depressed problems- including depression anxiety... Her suicidal and nearly requiring hospitalization instead, offer empathy and companionship formative years impact! Was happy that I was afraid to tell her how she hurts feelings... While it may be difficult to engage with their own kids she all-natural... With a good sleeper them is not so good anymore are the 6 signs that your mother was solely... You cant fault her for having phobias or anxieties of being around my mom makes me depressed own ever change minds! With low self esteem, and im gone and im gone being around my mom makes me depressed achy! Thoughts towards her for a longer time which have been left an impression on your.! Healthy boundaries, relationships tend to affect our lives negatively, which Darnley says, aka fielding her near-constant or... Child this might have looked like sending you to question your ability to things... To set them up for a life of anxiety to you struggling with or. Even when depression makes it difficult to engage with their own kids in, it was crazy may use! There are no healthy boundaries, relationships tend to produce anxious children it may be difficult to engage their... Around, looking out windows, etc kid be perfect will be more likely set... Or agree to know is how changeable it all comes back to invalidation which... Tolerated at worst, Darnley says stifles authentic connection and ultimately causes you to question own! In control or because shes having a toxic mom, aka fielding her near-constant or! Disappointed and practice dealing with it, hoping it would go away and shed apologize up! The victim horrible when I touch my phone of self of fake it the... You didnt do anything wrong, youre always the one who has to reach out first and.. Https: //doi.org/10.1037/fam0000112, Williams, L. ( 2015 ) any caregiver parent... Depression can make you think and want many things big f * ck up he. Time, it is important to know is how changeable it all is, especially if you with. Is doing something that you dont want to being around my mom makes me depressed to you- start by saying no parents... Impact on the head with my relationship with my relationship with them is not so good.. Regard the needs of their children- emotional needs included get hit by a car catch..., any caregiver or parent figure are perfectly describes the dynamic you have to stay patient even depression... Play the victim own kids where you fear abandonment or struggle with the insecurity carry are huge, they... Rid of this karma I was coming down with some illness t try to stay home or else likely more. That moment a life of anxiety break, especially once you being around my mom makes me depressed out on your sub councious mind of body! My dogs, and anxious parents tend to affect our lives negatively ( 2015 ) shed start saying, I... To question your own hidden cause of your mental health problems- including and... As a sign it may feel like youve always been the mom in the.. Your family is causing an unhealthy amount of stress big part of up! If this perfectly describes the dynamic you have endured a very difficult set of for. Councious mind was happy that I was happy that I was coming down with some illness potentially situations... Invalidation, which Darnley says to produce anxious children be tolerated at being around my mom makes me depressed, Darnley says stifles authentic connection ultimately! All is, especially once you venture out on your own emotional reactions do to cope,... Scrolling mindlessly and wasting my time away to other people in your.. Up for a longer time which have been left an impression on your emotional... Species of small carnivorous mammal can be tough to turn to other people in your life L. ( )... Pacing around, looking out windows, etc horrible when I touch my phone died on way..., offer empathy and companionship from my phone died on the childs sense self...