If you use the same phrasing with suddenly a dramatically different meaning, its not other peoples fault if they dont know youve changed the meaning on them. What did _you_ have in mind?. Sometimes I feel like this is just another Hi, how are you? kind of question that can be sort of skipped over. This is a whole lot easier to get if you see someone do it, but here goes: First of all, your manner while doing this will be constant big beaming smiles of absolute certainty, with big cheery extrovert gestures and rather loud but happy and beamingly-positive voice mannerisms. 1. She didnt have other plans; she just wanted to draw a line in the sand about him telling her what to do. I think it depends a lot on context. Me: Not much, maybe laundry or whatever. If you follow through with people you actually want to see (as in, Can I let you know tomorrow? = You actually let them know one way or another tomorrow), you arent being a jerk by not responding immediately to their questions or invitations, and you dont owe a full accounting of your time. 7 Funny Responses to "What Are You Going to do with Your Life?" If I have to treat her like a grownup, and not like my minor child that I can boss around, she can fucking treat ME like a grownup, and not like her mommy that she takes for granted.. Wake up late Sunday morning and go ride or play in the mud. Answer with small truths. If she has problems with overbearing family, then she needs to learn how to deal with overbearing family, but shes still gonna have to function at People Interactions 101, which includes whatre you doing this weekend., Its actually amazing how much supposedly required stuff you can avoid doing by just not doing it (sadly depending on your level of privilege; Im speaking from a white cis-woman perspective). So, it's perfectly . Why is that worth it? Why not set up a rent in dollars or set hours of work, and have done? (If shes British, hopefully that will scare the crap out of her and shell leave you alone. Funny Responses To How Are You Save Image: Shutterstock Somewhere between better and best. It always makes me a little uncomfortable, because Im not used to grocery store cashiers asking me how I am. Funny Responses to Compliments Everyone Can Use But when asking, I still tend to ask in layers so the other person has many outs to either say no or express no. You could just ask. Im still seething. This will not go away. I guess its a cultural thing, I come from a non-English speaking country in Europe and here, I feel, admitting that you dont have Plans-Plans, and then declining an invitation, would be seen as pretty rude. Its all the other situations I listed that bother me the ones where I dont always know the purpose of the question / true intent of the asker, or I suspect its to get me to do something. Find an answer. Most people would rather talk about themselves than anyone else, so turning the question back to them will almost always divert them from further questions about what Im doing. That takes some skill. Theres still room for her to refuse. It is trickery and so frustrating. Yes! Im one of those foreigners who are mystified with the use of How are you? in the US. On the other hand, there are the problem/dominance-related ones: 1. In ways that I doubt he even always notices. I think thats why it can sometimes be difficult to answer? If you have a new question, start a new topic. Most of what I get out of asking that conversation is sharing of day to day stuff about what we both have happening and are maybe looking forward to [that I can be happy or excited about for them] or things coming up they are anxious about or having other difficult feelings about [that they can talk about if they want to, or that I then know they might be having a difficult time on Tuesday so I should give them a ring then and see how it went/offer support if they want to process through talking]. I know this is a small complaint, in the grand scheme of things, and I usually handle it by changing the subject to something Im interested in if I *do* feel like conversing. Some variation of were busy or we have plans works better. Im not sure it would work on modern creepy dudes. Developed with the most common customer inquiries in mind, these responses give customer service reps the power to represent your brand with uniformity, accuracy, and speed. Oh man.I think this sort of thing bugs me because my dad very carefully taught me to ask/invite people for a specific activity/time precisely to avoid this scenario. If the asker tends to demand stuff from me, Im likely to claim Ill be busy. What Are You Doing This Weekend? - The Return of the Modern Philosopher Photo by Josh Rocklage on unsplash 02 "Not you, unfortunately." Funny Responses to "How Are You?" (& Other Questions!) - Science of People I find myself physically unable of disturbing her. Them: We should have lunch soon. Gah, I still worry though, like Blueberry Pancaaakes said about her sister, what if she cancels plans she needed or would have enjoyed? Nah, Why do you ask is generally pretty safe to take literally. I get the feeling Im not alone, I always thought my relationship with my parents was healthy until I became an adult and now I dread conversations with them. See also: people who wont pick a restaurant, when the answer to every question is whatever you want.***. And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. Some people here do not really do much small talk, so even asking How are you? might lead to a long description of ones health. Ive had a fear of seeming bossy or overbearing, but Ive found in the past few years that people really seem to appreciate someone getting the ball rolling. It sounds to me like an attempt to take away my ability to say no. If banal small talk that most people use is offensive to you, thats on you to tell people, I think. Nothing much (I have one coworker who now sometimes asks me What are you doing this weekend? Theres also nothing wrong with the sitting alone in the dark rocking back and forth, it just seemed a good description of the void my mother thinks no plans equals. I just wanted to add that in my experience as a POC in a white majority country its mostly been well-meaning people who have made me feel discriminated against. I probably picked it up from my mom, who does the same thing. This strikes me as so strange! I like why do you ask? as a pre-programmed autoresponse, because it leaves room for them to stay, just wondering if you have fun plans, or making conversation.. MY plans!) Me: Nope. I guess turning down invites is probably just a point of stress for me though, because people have historically gotten annoyed at me for being busy and turning down their invites, when its just like Please find out if Im actually available first so you dont take it personally that I cant hang this weekend?. 2, They ask assuming Im also from somwhere else, prepared to bond over that and my answer is almost always a small dissapointment and Im never sure quite what to do with that. Call me. Does *your* phone not work? That, or non-questions. I saved up enough to move out. For example, Looking forward to the weekend? or I hope you get to relax this weekend.; My take is that if they wish to continue the conversation, they will do so, but if not, they can reply with a Yes/No. I actually get this a lot from people who are actually trying to start conversations, rather than invite me somewhere. D- Dearest relaxing days. Its like theyre trying to help you come up with justifications for saying no before they even ask you the question. Helen Huntington already explained it very well. Yeah Im keen., I honestly never get asked this question as anything other than innocuous small talk. Why, whatve you got? with a tone implying that weekends are always full of important adulting chores that I really dont want to do, but adults gotta adult, you know? Alternatively were just going to have to start getting out of bed earlier so we dont run into them, but I suspect that if she realised we were doing that she might actually change her own schedule. Him: What are your plans for the weekend? However, it is true that "hanging out" is not what a person often thinks of as "OMG awesome must be there!" I feel like its somewhat related to not saying no also). Thinking of seeing [movie]. I have only one person who does this, my widowed FIL, and it irritates me no end. I find the amount of people suggesting this interesting. Well see you at other times but this ones for us.. My friends do it alllll the time. I can tell you out of personal experience that the constant repetition of this makes you feel a lot like you will never be fully accepted as part of the society/community you live in. 2. I will probably just need some time to unwind, perhaps to watch the Winter Olympics with my cat.. Tucker makes the case that there is a war against Christians happening in America on 'Tucker Carlson Tonight:' TUCKER CARLSON: You always imagine in your mind's eye that it's evil men who destroy . If Im bothered by the question, I usually answer back with why ? or why do you ask ?. Hmm, just tried re-creating my original comment and thats not showing up either. Enjoying life and nothing else. I then fully expect to be the person who takes the next step of saying yay! We all walk the kids to school together and she started calling in at our house every. I too wish I had the strength & Phoebe confidence to pull of that line. And I mean, its legit to decide that youre willing to pay the cost, that youre okay with people deciding that you are unsociable or unfriendly or rude. 57 Killer Conversation Starters So You Can Talk to Anyone They also influence how OFTEN. Another interesting look at how varied cultural/regional norms and peoples own experiences can be. And making things even harder, so much of this is tonea chipper Why do you ask? to the above question is a soft deferral, whereas a flat Why do you ask may be offputting in a way that leverages a cost. Or they may feel social pressure to make conversation in the moment, and dont have any other topic at hand. 12 Best Answers to "How's Your Day Going?" - Grammarhow Itd be a big help, but if not I could find someone else. Which is a lot of caveats! Then match the sentences with the correct picture. We should hang out sometime soon! Is something I expect people to either reply yeah that would be fun or ignore/tell me theyre swamped but wish they could do as a no. Funny How To Respond To WYD (What Are You Doing) Texts 2. I also feel compelled to give easy ways out when I feel like Im making a request, including ending requests with and no is a perfectly acceptable answer.. Right now? Can we not use spaz/spazzy, please? Im usually free Wednesdays and Thursdays, or I could do a weekend if we plan ahead., Translation: I want to have dinner with you sometime. We had to interrupt her to say, We = mom and me, and you got mad so fast, we never got to say would you like to come along? Point 1 also notes that LW apparently finds the small-talk aspect unusually invasive ze doesnt wish to share zir plans at all, while many people consider this to be a low-stakes social bonding ritual. Im white and an immigrant in the country where I live. (Wriggle your hips) I am as happy as a tick on a big, fat doggy. I completely agree, it is always best to begin with the intention: I need a babysitter, I am planning a board game evening, I would love to spend time with you and catch up. Good, I just saw the cutest squirrel.. Since the question what are you doing this weekend? has, like, 18 possible meanings, many of which *can* involve power plays, it just breaks my brain. Dont do that to a friend. Re #1, true that. It happens every time I get him as a teller. I also find why do you ask? really handy as a polite way to signal someone is being nosy. Setting a timer or alarms. RT @h_miller76: Had you asked me what I'd be doing this weekend a long time ago, I would have said the NFL Combine. Speaking about sudden change of moods and plans, and friends getting you: Several years ago, at the phone, ten minutes before a scheduled meeting with my friends in a pub to watch the incoming results of the Brexit referendum. Aunt: Are you doing anything this weekend? Sometimes we dont have plans, but that doesnt mean Im willing to just let her do any old activity. This is a different way of reacting to a social interaction. I dont want to give you a rundown of my plans. If its as specific as Thursday, thats true, but I find when its a larger stretch like the weekend or the holidays its just as likely to be an attempt to get to know you and learn about your hobbies, interests, routine, etc, and find out if you have anything in common/have a life they find interesting/etc. Its the pre-request that to me frequently feels almost manipulative or entrapping. One girl mentioned the How are you? and said shed learned not to answer it truthfully because people dont actually care. All of us Americans responded that, well no, its not that we dont actually care. Its only a trap when the same people use it repeatedly to rope you in to doing something you would otherwise be able to avoid gracefully. Im with this LWask me to do a specific thing or dont. You obviously dont have to do things any differently than you are, BUT if this conversation is frustrating and/or awkward, you may find that it goes more smoothly if you offer something up. An alternative then is to actually mention the fact that you are sending them an email. Whereas a lot of us see the advantages, like the precision you noticed, to some form of rapid written communication that wasnt around decades ago. Saying no at that point feels rude, and yeah some people have reacted badly. I am eating. If the other person isnt in a chatty mood, we go comfortably silent after a few pleasantries because the Small Talk Gods have been appeased. It avoids (in their mind) making the person feel pressured to commit if they dont actually want to. Can't complain. How Are You Doing? How to Introduce Yourself in English 79 Funny And Flirty Response To "I Hate You" Better Responses For acquaintances, the way you do in Sweden will also work in the US. Oh thanks capn for the hilarious answers!!! But I have made a major effort to train myself to STATE WHAT I WANT first. Person A: Hi, how are you? Instead we got stuck attending an MLM pitch. My suggested response in to this question is therefore is just, I have finished planning yet, or still not finalized possibly followed by what are you up to? This is fairly similar to the Ill need to check my calendar, suggestions and still works if you arent the sort of person who uses a calendar and youre talking to someone close enough to know that about you. I dont feeling hes hitting on me exactly, though I am not answering in a way he likes/expects (am I supposed to be chatty bc Im young-ish and female? I think with the people I know it is fairly mutually asked for that reason. I dont understand the point of the question. I find mildly-but-not-entirely-absurd stock answers to be a good distraction. At the same time, someone can just say oh not much if they dont wanna share, which is what I do if my plans that night are private eg therapy. Example: What are you doing? It feels like a lot of just Use Your Words advice is setting people up for a shock when they realize that their coworkers or acquaintances are offput by it. (Like the How are you? inquiries) Which is why weve all learned to use our words, though it takes some learning and there are still occasional misunderstandings. I get it from friends (who usually just want to find a time to hang and thats not so bad), my cousin (who usually wants me to babysit), my mom (whenever she wants to invite me somewhere), and people Im chatting with on dating websites.
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